The Serial Killer and the Rat Thing
by geckobubbles
Summary: It all began with a little yellow rat thing... This is one of those crackfic things by the way.
1. The Rat Thing

It was a dark, dark day. A day as dark as dark could be. Not quite the dark like when it's really cloudy though. More like dark like when it's night. And that's because it was night. And on this night, a mysterious figure stood in the shadows. Running around and being mysterious and stuff. And while running through the dark streets, the mysterious figure slipped on a piece of trash lying on the ground and fell over. He then proceeded to get back up, and ran more. He then tripped on another piece of trash.

For you see, the streets were full of trash, and the mysterious figure was wearing roller skates.

During the day, he'd never wear roller skates. That's why he wore them now. No one would suspect it was him. They'd just think it was some guy who happened to look exactly like him for some reason who was wearing roller skates. It was the perfect disguise.

But it was a disguise that only an idiot could fall for. Fortunately for him, everyone happens to be an idiot.

But it was a necessary disguise. If anyone found out about what he did at night, bad things would happen. Like prison and a ruined reputation and stuff.

For you see, what he did at night was murdering people. Murderingly. In a serial killery way. Due to being a serial killer. Sure, science and stuff was great and all, but murdering people made him feel so good. It was a secret he kept well. No one could know about what he did. And no one will know.

And as he thought to himself about how much he loved murdering people, he heard a noise. Something sort of... electricy sounding. Almost as if a small, overrated rat thing was making electricity happen somehow. But that seemed extremely unlikely.

He cautiously ran towards the source of the sound, somewhere in a dark ally. And he carefully and quietly looked towards where the electricy stuff was happening, and saw what was making it happen.

There was a small, overrated, yellow rat thing sitting there, making electricity happen somehow. And as he looked at it, he thought to himself. The thoughts probably went something like "holy crap, that thing is sexy". The exact thoughts were probably phrased differently, but the basic meaning was the same.

He really wanted to have sex with that little rat thing.

The little, overrated rat thing had just noticed that something was nearby. It turned towards him, and stared.

It really wanted to have sex with that guy with the labcoat and roller skates.

They stared at each other, each with lust in their eyes. Suddenly, the yellow, overrated rat jumped onto the mysterious figure guy's shoulders, and kissed him. Frenchly. With tongues and stuff. The mysterious figure person was surprised at first, but quickly started wiggling his tongue around all Frenchly and stuff.

The little, overrated, yellow rat then jumped off the mystery guy person figure thing's shoulder after several, hot moments of making out. It stuck its butt out, and mustardy goo purple fanfiction knew exactly what the rat thing wanted to happen next.

He then proceeded to take off his pants and shove his penis up the overrated rat thing's butt.

After using proper lubrication, of course.

The next two and a half hours of buttsex were fantastic. Pure, buttsexy magic of the most beautiful kind. And when they were done, the mysterious figure began to walk away, for he hadn't murdered anyone yet. And as he walked away, he heard a voice come from the direction he was walking away from. "See you later, Membrane." And he looked back, and saw the little, overrated rat thing, just standing there. It knew who he was. He couldn't have anyone know who he was. So he did what he had to do.

He then proceeded to stab it many times. And after finishing the stabbing, he grabbed the corpse and ran off. A butt that perfect couldn't be wasted rotting away. He could save it and send it to a taxidermist for when he needed it.

And Membrane murdered many more people, and had much more sex with the stuffed pikachu corpse.

And everything was perfect.


	2. The Theft

It was a day. And quite a day it was. For you see, in this big city and stuff, there was a house. And in that house stood a pantsless man in a lab coat. And that pantsless lab coat man was worried. There was a thing on the news, about how some ten year old kid had reported that his little, yellow, overrated rat thing had gone missing. Apparently the kid and the little rat thing had been lovers for about fifteen years or however long it's been.

And the pantsless lab coat man knew where the overrated rat thing was. It was dead, and the taxidermized corpse was sitting right in the other room, and occasionally the pantsless lab coat guy would stick his penis in the corpse's butt.

And now they know it's missing. He knew that he had to take action. He had to kill the kid.

* * *

It was a night. And this night was more eventful than the day before it. For you see, the pantsless lab coat man was out, with his roller skates and his pants, to go murder the kid that brought attention to the yellow rat thing's missingness. But while he was murdering the ten year old, other events were happenating, and they were happenating at his house.

* * *

"Yeeesssss..." said a creepy figure who had been wandering around in the dark house. She had been searching for what she had just found for countless years, and she finally found it. "I knew it would be here."

She then proceeded to grab the thing she had just found, ran around until she found an exit, and then exited.

* * *

The pantsless lab coat man returned to his house after spending a decent part of the night finding and murdering a ten year old boy. He had had a good night, and he decided to grab his taxidermififcated rat thing corpse and shove his penis up its butt. He went to where he stored it, and to his horror, he saw the most horrible thing.

The little, taxiderminated overrated rat thing corpse was gone.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed.

He then proceeded to sob uncontrollably for hours and hours, and his kids, who had been woken by the screaming, had stared at him for a moment or so of these hours.

* * *

It was the next day. The pantsless lab coat man hadn't slept at all that night, due to having been lying on the floor for hours while sobbing sobbingly. He was still horrified. Normally when stressed out like this, he'd go to the other room and shove his penis up the overrated rat thing's butt. But now, it was gone.

He couldn't call the police, because they were still investigating the thing's original disappearance, and they might find it suspicious. He wasn't sure how to find it, and without his little, overrated rat thing, he didn't know what he'd do. It was very special to him, even if he'd only had it for like a week or so.

And his idea was to try drinking. It didn't do that much to help, but it did get him completely hammered.

Suddenly, a phone call happened. He then proceeded to answer it.

In a drunken, sob-filled voice, he said things to the mysterious person on the phone. "Who the f*** is this?"

"HA HA HA HAAAAA! Hee hee hee hee hee! Haa haaaa HAAAAAA!" was the response of the mysterious phone person.

"Whaaaaaat?" the pantsless lab coat man said in a slurred drunken voice.

"I HAVE YOUR LITTLE YELLOW TAXIDERMIED SEX TOY! Hee hee heeee!" the mysterious person on the phone said with a feminine voice, as well as an accent of some kind, "I WAS HOPING IT WOULD BE ALIVE, BUT I'LL SETTLE FOR MY PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS THINGY BEING DEAD! Haa heee heee HAAAAA!"

"You whaat? Who are yoou?" the drunken pantsless lab coat man asked drunkenly.

If the pantsless lab coat man could see the mysterious phone person, he'd see that they were smiling in a really creepy way. "Hee hee hee hee! I... AM... NOT GOING TO TELL YOU! HA HA HAAA!"

"Yeees yoou aare." the pantsless lab coat man said, in a very slurred, drunken voice.

"Nope! Ha ha HAAAAA! Buuut..." the mystery person paused for a moment to giggle insanely before continuing. "I will tell you where I am! HEE HEE HEEE!"

"Where aree you?"

"I... AM... RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW! HEE HEE HEEE! HA HA HAAAAAAA!"

"Waait whaa-" the drunken pantsless lab coat man started to say, before noticing that a figure wearing a neon green colored cloak, which was stained with blood and also covered in bits of Swedish meatballs, was standing outside his window. They then began to run away. "Heeey! Get back here!"

The drunken lab coat man then proceeded to jump through the window, which was now a tad very broken. There was a door nearby that he could have used instead, but he was completely hammered, and didn't think about it. He also didn't care that he was covered in broken glass. He just wanted his little, yellow, overrated, rat thing back.

The lab coat man was running after the mystery person in the neon green cloak as fast as he could. He had to get his little, taxidermied rat thing back from that thief. He just had to.

* * *

The mystery thief was hiding in a dark ally. She would have thought about whether or not it was a good idea to call him and and taunt him like that while being just outside his house, but she was thinking about fire instead. She loved setting things on fire. She wanted to move into a house that was on fire. She wanted to stalk people that were on fire. And as she thought about setting things on fire, she grabbed a blood-soaked Swedish meatball that was on her cloak, and ate it, completely unaware of a mysterious figure standing on the roof of a nearby building.

Suddenly, the mystery thief was startled out of their fire-obsessed thoughts by the sound of a sniper rifle. She looked around, and saw that the wall of a building she was standing next to had just been shot. The bullet had hit right next to where her head was, but it had just missed her.

"Aw, come on!" someone yelled, in a male voice with an imitated accent that sounded like an attempt at an Australian accent that came out a bit more Cockney, "How do I keep missing?"

The mystery thief person ignored this, because right after this happened, the drunken pantsless lab coat man arrived, and started drunkenly swinging a chainsaw.

"GIVE ME MY LITTLE YELLOW OVERRATED F***ING RAT THING!" he screamed in a drunken voice while swinging his chainsaw. The thief ducked just as the chainsaw was swung right at her head, and she backed up a bit. She was definitely not prepared for this.

"Heh heh heeh," she laughed nervously, "C-calm down! Where d-did tha-that chainsaw even come from?" She was very nervous, since there was an angry, drunken guy swinging a chainsaw at her.

The drunken lab coat man swung his chainsaw at her again, and the thief just barely moved out of the way. He was about to swing the chainsaw once again, when the sniper rifle sound happened again, immediately followed by the lab coat man falling down. His head was bleeding in a rather bloody way.

"YES! I FINALLY-" the big-headed someone began yell again, with the same attempted Australian accent that he was talking with for some reason, "Wait, is that... Dad?" He stared at the dead pantsless lab coat man for a moment, before yelling more about how he keeps missing. After a moment of yelling, he started aiming at the thief again, determined to shoot the woman from Sweden for some reason.

The rifle then proceeded to burst into flames. The big-headed someone person dropped it in surprise, and frustratedly stared at it, before sighing and starting his back up plan. He turned toward the round, metal object sitting next to him, and picked it up by one of its handles as it stared at him while babbling about space and stuff.

The thief from Sweden had for some reason been standing there staring at the lab coat man's corpse for a few moments. She somehow hadn't noticed any of the stuff that was happening on the nearby roof until she noticed the flaming sniper rifle that had been dropped off of it. She then proceeded to stare at that. For you see, she really loved fire. It was really creepy. She was the only one who didn't seem to realize just how creepy it was.

The thief was interrupted from her creepy thoughts of fire by a sudden sound. It was almost as if a round, metal object was flying towards her while screaming about space. But that seemed extremely unlikely. She turned around to see what it was.

There was a round, metal object flying towards her while screaming about space.

It then proceeded to collide with her skull at a very fast speed. A speed fast enough to severely damage her skull. She then fell to the ground. The Swedish woman was dead. Everyone cheered and threw a celebratory parade.


End file.
